It’s amazing how the mere thought of having someone with you can spell the difference on the kind of mood you’ll be in for the holidays.
Just last night, when I finally acknowledged the bite in the nighttime breeze did I realize that Christmas is fast approaching. Appropriately in a festive mood, I opened my notebook and searched for that folder of Christmas songs. Halfway into listening to it, it began to sink in to me that those were songs you have stored in my notebook in anticipation of Christmas – a Christmas we thought we would still celebrate together.
Song after song played, sometimes festive, sometimes lonely. And then there I was, thinking back to that night when you gave me that notebook looking more excited than I was. Has it been really 10 months now?
I can’t help but think of the sadness I try to avoid. I try to escape from the thought that there is a permanent void where you once have been. I try hard to steer away from the thought that I have lost you when I wasn’t ready to. But then again, who is ever ready to lose somebody? I guess, having been there, I’d say pretty much nobody.
You… you still make me feel so much despite our distance. Who would’ve thought I’d be listening to those Christmas songs longing for what once had been “us”. I miss what you were once to me, Christmas or no Christmas.
